Sewing Nightmares

My youngest daughter loves her blankie. It's a nice flannel blanket my mother made for her with a nice satin trim. Trouble is, Little Bit likes to take it everywhere and I'd rather she kept it nice and clean in her bed. So, I had this brilliant idea of making her a second, very similar blankie to carry on her adventures around the house and in the car. I thought it couldn't be that hard--it was a big square of flannel fabric with satin ribbon stuff sewn around the edge.

Off we went to our local Walmart for the supplies. I found a cute flannel print very similar to the favored blankie and the same colored satin edging and thread. Great! This was going to be so easy, I thought.

I got the supplies home and after I got the girls down for their naps, I got started. First, I had to dig out the sewing machine. It's this cheap number my husband picked up a few years ago that neither of us ever used (bought in a moment of nuttiness when we thought we'd sew our own curtains...) My first challenge was figuring out what to do with the thread. We'd lost the instructions, but thanks to the internet, I had them on my laptop...I was going back and forth between my laptop monitor and the sewing machine trying to figure it out. There was this bobbin thing to get thread around and load AND there was the main thread thingy to load. Not to mention threading the needle.

I finally got it all figured out and was ready to go. I cut the flannel and pinned the satin edging around it. I was ready to sew. I started slowly then realized the pedal thing was like a gas pedal--the harder I pushed, the faster I could sew. Wow!! With as fast as this thing's going, I can sew all sorts of things. So, I sewed along. Zip! Up the first side I went until I felt this tugging. I looked down and saw that I had somehow grabbed the bottom of my shirt and had sewed it to the blankie. Arghh!!

No worries, I thought...so I cut the thread, released my shirt, and began again--careful not to snag my shirt again (it probably would have been better if I'd used a table or counter and not a TV tray scooted up next to my recliner, but that hadn't occurred to me.) I went along like lightning! While pushing the fabric through I was imaging all of the wonderful things I could sew.

That was until I was done and looked at what I had sewn. My stitches (is that what you call them?) looked like a crazy, erratic heart monitor readout of a person having a series of heart attacks. Not at all like a steady, even stitch that should have been there. Then I realized that I hadn't exactly cut an even square nor had I conquered the corners with the edging correctly. And my blankie had a tail. Yes, a tail. But by this time the girls were up and I had to get them. So, I went ahead and gave Little Bit her blankie.

She wasn't fooled. She knew it wasn't the real blankie, but it'll do in a pinch. Everyone who has seen this pitiful example of my Hapless Homemaker talents laughs. But, Little Bit likes it OK...she even seems to like the "tail"--she uses it to drag it around the house. Still, I find her sneaking up to her room and stealing a few moments with her real blankie. I guess there's no separating a girl from her true love.

Chipmunk Vacuuming

I earned the Hapless Homemaker title about two years ago. Lydia was still a baby and I was adjusting to life as a SAHM. For some reason, it was expected that I take care of the house as well as take care of the baby. The grueling monotony (mothering is exhausting yet so repetitive) was wearing me out. I'd finally gotten Lydia onto a two-nap a day routine and she was sleeping through the night, but I was still so tired from the months of sleep deprivation. So on that fateful day when I took the HH crown, I thought I'd take a little nap, too.

Then I heard it. The sound of the cat door opening. Then the sound of the cat coming up the stairs to my room. Then the sound of some little critter squeaking! I sat bolt upright a bed and saw the chipmunk run for cover under my bookshelf. "Oh, great..." I thought while trying to think of a way to catch this chipmunk without waking up Lydia. And without actually having to touch it. Because, while chipmunks are cute, I didn't want to touch one.

Like a lightening flash, I was inspired by the Saturday morning cartoons of my youth. I just knew I had the perfect plan--I use the vacuum! In my mind, I pictured the chipmunk being held by the wand-tube thingy of the vacuum ala Bugs Bunny--he'd be held at the top of the wand, I'd grab him with my well-gloved hands and put him outside where he belonged.

I carefully brought the vacuum cleaner to my room and shut the door so I wouldn't wake baby Lydia. I made sure the chipmunk was where I left him--he was--and I turned on the vacuum. We both startled a bit from the noise--the cat was long gone, of course--and I approached with the wand-tube thingy (that right there should clue any reader in on my HH-ness.) But when I got the wand-tube thingy near the chipmunk, there was this big whoosh-thump sound: I'd sucked the little guy into the vacuum!! I didn't imagine that would happen--it wasn't going at all the way I'd planned!

I quickly turned off the vacuum and panicked in the ensuing silence. I hadn't meant to do it...I wanted to get the little guy back into the wild without chasing him all over the house with all of the crashing and banging that usually entailed. I felt terrible...I just knew I'd killed him. Being hormonal still, I burst into tears and called my hubby who had the audacity to laugh at me!!!
I quickly got off the phone, and then I heard it...this little scratchy sound: HE WAS ALIVE!!

After much fumbling, I got the cover off of the vacuum and discovered that the little chipmunk was alive and well inside the bag, so I grabbed some scissors, took the bag outside, cut an escape hole, and released him. He didn't walk right out...I kind of had to shake him a bit...he was covered in icky vacuum bag dust and staggered a bit as he wandered off into the shrubs. I can just imagine the story he told his little chipmunk buddies later that night.

So, the event was over. I'd actually succeeded in getting the chipmunk outside without touching him, but I've never lived it down. From then on, my darling husband has quite enjoyed the lore of my battle with the chipmunk. It was definitely the genesis moment of my homemaking haplessness.